Wait, weight, weight

Say hello to "Sad Carrot Raisin Squash" guy who wound up in the bottom of my bowl a while back.

<---- isn't he cute?! (I feel like he was sent from the heavens to send me a message)

Ok..I'm trying really I am. I made myself a promise to get myself healthy and was doing ok for a while lost 17 pounds by changing my diet alone...well diet with a side of depression (shh....don't judge me)! But the thing that I am realizing is I love (no... adore) food which would be perfectly fine and non problematic except I hate (no...loathe) working out. I don't want to hit a certain weight (or so I am trying to condition myself to think) I just want to "feel better and be in better shape". Honestly... I'd like to go into 33 well on my way to a healthy BMI.

When I talk about my weight or jokingly say that I need to stop by Pea in the Pod (maternity clothing store) to buy a bathing suit (I really did think about it for a second) are you judging me again?! Stop it....geez! People tell me that I look fine which I feel like is a customary response. I am 5'9 and 189 pounds. When I report these stats the typical response is "No you don't weigh that much, I never would have guessed that" which I guess should make me feel better but....eh you know.

That being said, I am trying to find a balance to stop the seesaw (or avalanche as it will likely be) of weight gain as this holiday season approaches (though I did ok for Thanksgiving). Any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated?

I'm gonna start with portion sizing I think....but with that comes the discipline to not clean the plate to go back and fill it again (but wait....going back and forth to the stove counts as exercise right??)

Oy Vey...I am hungry but for all the wrong things!