So yeah....
Try as I may, try as I might....my eyes have finally seen the motherfucking light.
This shit ain't gon' work. Didn't work, can't work, won't work. It's time to let go.
I'm not going to bad mouth him (even though he might as well be walking around with a damn bullseye on his back). It's too easy and quite frankly pointless.
I can say that I left it all out on the field. I gave it the good old college try. I was kind, lenient and understanding. I wasn't perfect...but I did my best.
At the end it boiled down to this:
I tried. He did the best he could. But I was miserable. After a while you just have to walk away. He wasn't ready. Any time a guy says to you..."I think I really just want to have sex because I don't have time for a relationship." It's probably a good time to let go. Jussayin!
Yep...no matter how many plans you made, where you said you would live, who would wash who would dry, how many kids you decided your future family would have....when it's over its just...over.
Initially it hurt like a bitch, I felt betrayed and IMMEDIATELY went into "what did I do wrong" mode. Went numb.But then one day, I was walking into work and three older men sitting on a bench said:
"Something happened to you girl. You either picked a good one up or put a bad one down. You ain't looked that happy in about a month!"
I laughed and went inside and then realized that instead of trying to figure out how to fix it with him.... I had left it alone! I inadvertently focused my energy on making myself whole. Taking care of and loving myself.
I had my moments of wanting to break down and retry things....but I held on to myself instead of the stands of a relationship that wasn't serving me at all. Does he still call sure he does but I don't answer.
And here I am. Still standing! I learned a lot but I looked out for number 1 this time.
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