Wow...no lie today, he begged me to trust him....

Aquarius horoscope for Jul 3 2013 "Trust me." Someone in your world is now expecting you to open your heart and have faith. But if offering trust were so simple, there would be no need to even ask for trust. If you are having trouble putting your faith in a certain person, Aquarius, it may have less to do with you than with the other person. But that person may have you convinced that there is something in you that does not allow you to fully trust. Use your intuition. Follow your heart. If you don't trust this person there may very well be a good reason for it. -- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

Mental health hilarity

So I totally had a session where I was able to help a patient who has been stuck in the precontemplative stage for three months.

He's a young strong willed guy but we were able to have a breakthrough together! Really good stuff.

After session....I immediately went into my supervisors office and told her what happened and that I thought I should be employee of the day.

She responds with "So is this a good thing or is it delusional/grandiose thinking thing?"

I stared at her and we both burst out laughing.

I love my job!

Chuuuch!

Aquarius horoscope for Jul 2 2013 There is a truth you need to face. You fear that it may be an unpleasant truth, and that it will somehow set you up for disappointment or failure. However, Aquarius, the truth is the truth no matter what effect it has, and it must be faced. But fear not. You have created a fearful expectation that is mostly the product of your imagination. While there may be a few awkward moments spent trying to understand something you need to come to terms with, it will also set you free to move on to something far better. Don't be afraid. The truth will make you whole.

-- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

I once was blind but now I see

Today I sat with a woman who woke up one day last year and found her vision completely gone. In a flash her life had changed.

She refused all my offers for help getting her seated and comfortable. She showed me how she uses her phone (with no assistive functions or accessibility options).

She's an incredible testament to the human spirit. That indelible force that fights to survive when the status quo is changed.

The most amazing part of the meeting was when she removed her glasses to show me her eyes. The first thing I saw was eyeliner and eye shadow. I sat quietly for a minute...

"Just because I'm blind doesn't mean that I have to look like shit.  It makes me feel better and I'd like to think that it makes my man happy. Even if it's uneven and the colors don't go together."

I have found my new shero....everyday I'm amazed more and more by the power of determination.

I could say a million more things about what this experience was like but I know I wouldn't do it justice.

I can only think of two words that are barely appropriate.

Absolutely amazing...

The Termination of Operation Adoration

So yeah....

Try as I may, try as I might....my eyes have finally seen the motherfucking light.

This shit ain't gon' work. Didn't work, can't work, won't work. It's time to let go.

I'm not going to bad mouth him (even though he might as well be walking around with a damn bullseye on his back). It's too easy and quite frankly pointless.

I can say that I left it all out on the field. I gave it the good old college try. I was kind, lenient and understanding. I wasn't perfect...but I did my best. 

At the end it boiled down to this:

I tried. He did the best he could. But I was miserable. After a while you just have to walk away. He wasn't ready. Any time a guy says to you..."I think I  really just want to have sex because I don't have time for a relationship." It's probably a good time to let go. Jussayin!

Yep...no matter how many plans you made, where you said you would live, who would wash who would dry, how many  kids you decided your future family would have....when it's over its just...over.

Initially it hurt like a bitch, I felt betrayed and IMMEDIATELY went into "what did I do wrong" mode. Went numb.But then one day, I was walking into work and three older men sitting on a bench said:

"Something happened to you girl. You either picked a good one up or put a bad one down. You ain't looked that happy in about a month!"

I laughed and went inside and then realized that instead of trying to figure out how to fix it with him.... I had left it alone! I inadvertently focused my energy on making myself whole. Taking care of and loving myself.

I had my moments of wanting to break down and retry things....but I held on to myself instead of the stands of a relationship that wasn't serving me at all. Does he still call sure he does but I don't answer.

And here I am. Still standing! I learned a lot but I looked out for number 1 this time.

Proof positive...more affirmation that doing me was the right thing to do.

Aquarius horoscope for Jun 22 2013 A door has closed. But you know what they say, Aquarius: When one door closes, another one opens. But this clichéd piece of advice might not be enough to satisfy you right now. You want what you want, and you want it now. You may be looking at that closed door in the rear-view mirror and wondering what you should have done differently. But that doesn't matter. It was meant to close. Even if you had done everything differently, it would likely have closed anyway. Let it go. It is time to look forward to your future. Another much better door is opening. -- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

I broke my cardinal rule

This week I was reminded about why I said I wasn't going to talk to people much about my relationship if there were issues.

Everybody is a critic/expert despite their own relationship mini dramas.  Anything that you say is just you being in denial. Operation Lips are Zipped is in full effect. 

I vow to ask for what I need (ie: don't need your advice in this moment, I just want you to listen nonjudgementally).

Being direct and asking for what I need from my support system helps to manage my anxiety and stress. (Something I'm learning loads about in therapy.)

Time to put on the big girl panties...hopefully people will understand.