Thankful for...

Yesterday was May 28th and it was 48° when I got off work. As much as I try to not complain about the weather this winter has dragged on incessantly. It makes me want to make this face... 😭

Freezing, hungry and a little grouchy I was determined to not slide into a funk and stuff my face with crap for dinner.

I decided to embrace the weather and make a pot of chili and a summery drink (pineapple, lemon, basil muddled vodka and soda).

Everything was tasty. Even more awesome... someone in the building left a vase of star gazer lillies near the elevators. They were gorgeous and smelled amazing.

So today I'm thankful for my dinner and stargazer lillies at the end of a gloomy frigid day.

Getting my craft on!

I've decided to start crafting again. It's fall and in my opinion crafting and fall go hand in hand. I'm going to post some of my desired projects and hopefully some finished products!

Super excited about this one not sure how great they'd smell but I think they are really cool!

It's going to be a very crafty Christmas. :)

Make some fun color-blocked candles from crayons with Brit.co -- dreamalittlebiggerblog on Tumblr (Sep 18, 2013) photo shared via http://pictarine.com/android

So I have two situations that this could apply to....either way I'm happy with this!

Aquarius horoscope for Aug 24 2013 You may be facing a challenge now, Aquarius. It may be causing you stress and anxiety, and you may be wishing away the time just wanting to get beyond this point. No one doubts that you're suffering on some level. But you are rising to the challenge, and it is bringing out the very best in you. Once you get through this (and it won't be long now), you will come away with a great feeling of peace and accomplishment. You will have learned something invaluable too. And in the weeks ahead, you will be able to apply what you have learned, and it will bring you abundance and prosperity. -- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

Again....just had a conversation about this trying to figure out where his heads at!

Aquarius horoscope for Aug 14 2013 You may think that you would have to be a mind-reader to figure out what is going on with someone in your family or social circle. Maybe this is a parent, maybe a sibling, maybe a dear friend, or maybe even your significant other. This person is behaving in a rather stoic way, and it isn't easy to decipher the mixed messages or to read between the lines. But the signs are all there, Aquarius. Just sit back and watch. Notice body language. Take note of the words this person uses. Go back to your history with this person and see if any of it clicks. You can figure it out. -- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

Wow....

Aquarius horoscope for Aug 8 2013 If you are feeling especially stressed, irritable, or aggravated right now, you can blame some of it on the cosmic tension that is having an especially hard effect on people of your sign. But then again, Aquarius, you really have had a lot to deal with recently. Sometimes you shrug off your more draining emotions without really delving into the reasons for them. And when you do that, you don't really address the problem because you don't acknowledge that there is a problem! Face what's bugging you, and it will stop bugging you! -- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

I think this app must have some ability to read your texts and phone calls to develop your daily horoscope....this ish is getting freaky!

This is my new challenge....

@lwnuclear: This is the most comprehensive list of Cockney rhyming slang I could find http://t.co/6dGq2KGzLF

Wow...I wonder which dream this is referring to?!

Aquarius horoscope for Aug 2 2013 You have no way of knowing for certain that the sun will rise tomorrow morning. You have no way of knowing that the day will progress from morning to afternoon to evening, and then darkness will fall again. You have no way of knowing that the experiences you expect to have - the experiences you have every day - will happen again today. All of this requires faith. You just believe it. And every day your faith is validated. It's not so different with dreams, Aquarius. If you can master that mindset, you can make a big dream come true. -- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

Wow...no lie today, he begged me to trust him....

Aquarius horoscope for Jul 3 2013 "Trust me." Someone in your world is now expecting you to open your heart and have faith. But if offering trust were so simple, there would be no need to even ask for trust. If you are having trouble putting your faith in a certain person, Aquarius, it may have less to do with you than with the other person. But that person may have you convinced that there is something in you that does not allow you to fully trust. Use your intuition. Follow your heart. If you don't trust this person there may very well be a good reason for it. -- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

Mental health hilarity

So I totally had a session where I was able to help a patient who has been stuck in the precontemplative stage for three months.

He's a young strong willed guy but we were able to have a breakthrough together! Really good stuff.

After session....I immediately went into my supervisors office and told her what happened and that I thought I should be employee of the day.

She responds with "So is this a good thing or is it delusional/grandiose thinking thing?"

I stared at her and we both burst out laughing.

I love my job!

Chuuuch!

Aquarius horoscope for Jul 2 2013 There is a truth you need to face. You fear that it may be an unpleasant truth, and that it will somehow set you up for disappointment or failure. However, Aquarius, the truth is the truth no matter what effect it has, and it must be faced. But fear not. You have created a fearful expectation that is mostly the product of your imagination. While there may be a few awkward moments spent trying to understand something you need to come to terms with, it will also set you free to move on to something far better. Don't be afraid. The truth will make you whole.

-- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

I once was blind but now I see

Today I sat with a woman who woke up one day last year and found her vision completely gone. In a flash her life had changed.

She refused all my offers for help getting her seated and comfortable. She showed me how she uses her phone (with no assistive functions or accessibility options).

She's an incredible testament to the human spirit. That indelible force that fights to survive when the status quo is changed.

The most amazing part of the meeting was when she removed her glasses to show me her eyes. The first thing I saw was eyeliner and eye shadow. I sat quietly for a minute...

"Just because I'm blind doesn't mean that I have to look like shit.  It makes me feel better and I'd like to think that it makes my man happy. Even if it's uneven and the colors don't go together."

I have found my new shero....everyday I'm amazed more and more by the power of determination.

I could say a million more things about what this experience was like but I know I wouldn't do it justice.

I can only think of two words that are barely appropriate.

Absolutely amazing...

The Termination of Operation Adoration

So yeah....

Try as I may, try as I might....my eyes have finally seen the motherfucking light.

This shit ain't gon' work. Didn't work, can't work, won't work. It's time to let go.

I'm not going to bad mouth him (even though he might as well be walking around with a damn bullseye on his back). It's too easy and quite frankly pointless.

I can say that I left it all out on the field. I gave it the good old college try. I was kind, lenient and understanding. I wasn't perfect...but I did my best. 

At the end it boiled down to this:

I tried. He did the best he could. But I was miserable. After a while you just have to walk away. He wasn't ready. Any time a guy says to you..."I think I  really just want to have sex because I don't have time for a relationship." It's probably a good time to let go. Jussayin!

Yep...no matter how many plans you made, where you said you would live, who would wash who would dry, how many  kids you decided your future family would have....when it's over its just...over.

Initially it hurt like a bitch, I felt betrayed and IMMEDIATELY went into "what did I do wrong" mode. Went numb.But then one day, I was walking into work and three older men sitting on a bench said:

"Something happened to you girl. You either picked a good one up or put a bad one down. You ain't looked that happy in about a month!"

I laughed and went inside and then realized that instead of trying to figure out how to fix it with him.... I had left it alone! I inadvertently focused my energy on making myself whole. Taking care of and loving myself.

I had my moments of wanting to break down and retry things....but I held on to myself instead of the stands of a relationship that wasn't serving me at all. Does he still call sure he does but I don't answer.

And here I am. Still standing! I learned a lot but I looked out for number 1 this time.

Proof positive...more affirmation that doing me was the right thing to do.

Aquarius horoscope for Jun 22 2013 A door has closed. But you know what they say, Aquarius: When one door closes, another one opens. But this clichéd piece of advice might not be enough to satisfy you right now. You want what you want, and you want it now. You may be looking at that closed door in the rear-view mirror and wondering what you should have done differently. But that doesn't matter. It was meant to close. Even if you had done everything differently, it would likely have closed anyway. Let it go. It is time to look forward to your future. Another much better door is opening. -- Copyright © DailyHoroscope. Download it now — http://bit.ly/DHmobile

I broke my cardinal rule

This week I was reminded about why I said I wasn't going to talk to people much about my relationship if there were issues.

Everybody is a critic/expert despite their own relationship mini dramas.  Anything that you say is just you being in denial. Operation Lips are Zipped is in full effect. 

I vow to ask for what I need (ie: don't need your advice in this moment, I just want you to listen nonjudgementally).

Being direct and asking for what I need from my support system helps to manage my anxiety and stress. (Something I'm learning loads about in therapy.)

Time to put on the big girl panties...hopefully people will understand.

Lessons from the Couch...

           "I think that after meeting with you, I've finally figured out that I'd rather be the guy who's
                       behind the scenes raising the curtain so that the star can take a bow."

A man pondering his "place in life" 

I'm so proud of his progress...he's getting stronger and stronger every week. I can see him physically changing and he's working his ass off trying to right wrongs, become more present and mindful. It would be great to see him get" out of his head" so much and maybe peek out from behind the curtains. 

I did it

I have been grueling with my first consulting gig which quickly snowballed into the project that ate our lives.

It's still a muddled mess in my head but it was a huge accomplishment. I negotiated the deal, the terms the money and was able to provide valuable information to two very bright, highly accomplished, slightly scatter brained individuals. 

It was the coolest thing I've ever done and I can now add mobile app content developer to my resume!

I can't wait to see the finished product. I'm so proud of the project and this team, it makes me kinda choke up.

The whole time I kept wondering "when is it going to be over?" Now I'm sitting here sad and wondering what else I can do to help.

I think I found my new lane....I wanna be a consultant when I grow up.

Lessons from the couch...

Today I sat with a man who is due to come into a sizable amount of (legal) money. 

We processed a bit about how his life would change. I brought up family coming for assistance. His response calm voice, no anger or attitude:

"This ain't no Quicken loans. (Without missing a beat) So anyway like I was saying..."

I think we both know the opposite will happen: but for now we'll just let that hope float and hope he doesn't self destruct in the process.

Clouds...

I LOVE them!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH4JPgVD2SM&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Do you ever wonder

Where the hell your forks go? I mean I have literally bought extras and I'm down to my last three.

My mom thinks that it's because people (meaning me since I live alone) scrape their plates and just throw them in the garbage.

O_O

No b/c 1) I don't scape my plate over the trash I scrape it over the garbage disposal. 2) there is seldom ANYTHING left on my plate!

Other household items that go missing for me are pens. Like I keep a basket on the coffee table so that if I'm on the phone and have to make a quick note I can easily reach one.

I reached in the basket the other day.... nothing! Nothing but an antacid tablet that was strangely out of its original packaging.

I swear something in my house is messing with me! I'm tempted to switch to chopsticks but my luck I would lose one of each pair.

Which I guess I could still use but then that would be a whole other blog post about my mismatched chopstick collection....

Which would actually be really cool and kitschy just a glass full of different chopsticks all colors, sizes, coatings! I'm on to something here. Stay tuned for my next look what I got past! 

Meanwhile excuse me while I try to eat this salad with a spoon.

I love how....

The night starts off all cuddly and kissy but as he starts to drift off (read: knock the Fuck out) it quickly turns into a game of Modern Warfare.

Cover stealing, human burrito rolling, limbs smacking you in the face, bed spread is completely on his side of the bed and you have to balance on the edge of the mattress because there is "No Mattress for Girlfriends".

You rifle through the closet in the dark (because you don't want to wake him.) Find a blanket and hit the couch (in yo own damn house smh....i thought you was a g homie).

I can't really complain though. It's good to have him back (I'll blog about the past three weeks when it's not so painfully fresh).

Aside from my dad and two of my uncles, he's the hardest working man I know. He deserves and needs the rest but damn homie. Scoot ovah!